Review: Ryan's Bed by Tijan

Ryan's Bed by Tijan
Kindle Edition, 1st edition, 274 pages
Published January 21st, 2018
My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
I crawled into Ryan Jensen’s bed that first night by accident. I barely knew him. I thought it was his sister’s bed—her room. It took seconds to realize my error, and I should've left...

 I didn’t.
I didn’t jump out.
I didn’t get embarrassed.
I relaxed.
And that night, in that moment, it was the only thing I craved.

 I asked to stay. He let me, and I slept. The truth? I never wanted to leave his bed. If I could've stayed forever, I would have. He became my sanctuary.

 Because—four hours earlier—my twin sister killed herself.

 ** Standalone full-length novel, Mature YA themes

My thoughts…

Mackenzie's family had just recently moved to Oregon due to their fathers work promotion. Mackenzie and her twin sister Willow are getting ready to start their senior year of high school and their little genius brother Robbie is also excited to start at new school.

On the day before Mackenzie’s and Willows eighteenth birthday, what should have been a happy day filled with upcoming celebrations turned into a traumatic day for Mackenzie and her family. Willow committed suicide. Mackenzie was the one to find her sister laying on the shared bathroom floor with blood surrounding her.

While Mackenzie’s parents are taking care of the arrangements for Willow and finding a new home, Mackenzie and her brother Robbie stay at their father’s business associates home for the time being. During the first night staying at the unfamiliar house Mac accidently crawled into Ryan Jensen’s bed, she thought it was his sister’s bedroom. She barely knew him and asked Ryan if she could stay, he let her, she slept easily for the first time since her sister died. 

Ryan’s parents discovered them the next morning, Ryan explained to his parents that Mac was there accidently, and nothing happened between them. Ryan’s parents let the sleeping arrangements continue while she stayed with them, on the condition that the nanny cam will be there in the room along with them. Mac is surprised that she finds comfort with Ryan, slowly she begins to feel a little more put together and he understand what she was going through.

A slow and wicked grin spread over his face. His eyes darkened, falling to my lips. “I’m a nice guy and all, but I’m not that nice, and especially lately, so trust me when I say this. You can sleep here any time you want.” His head leaned forward, his eyes almost digging into me. “That offer doesn’t go to anyone except you.”
  Tijan, Ryan's Bed

From that day on a beautiful friendship emerges, the sleeping arrangement continues with them sneaking into each other’s home late in the evening. I loved Ryan and Mac’s friendship, he understood her pain and let her be herself.

It was difficult to watch the way Mac’s parents avoided interacting with her after Willow’s death. When her parents looked at her they saw Willow, it was extremely sad. They were both so grief stricken, they forgotten they had a living daughter that was also grieving. We see how the entire family reacted to Willow’s death and how everyone coped, and eventually came together to begin the healing process.

I was there. I was in their house, and I struggled every day to say something. My parents weren’t evil. They didn’t mean to forget about me because they didn’t love me, but I fully believed they didn’t want to see me. They saw her when they saw me. Tijan, Ryan's Bed
I was wailing. I was crying. I was pleading for her to look at me again—because what mother doesn’t want to see her child’s face? But no sound came out. Tijan, Ryan's Bed

I wasn’t expecting all the high school drama and I loved that Mac was strong enough to stand up for herself. Ryan’s Bed is a beautiful and heartbreaking story about friendship, suicide, family and first love.


Almost every reader on Goodreads talked about the ending and how it was shocking and wasn’t what they expected. I didn’t want any surprise, I cheated and read the last chapter along with epilogue before I started. I’m pleased that I did know the ending, it helped me understand Mackenzie and what she was really going through.

If you would like to know the ending… click on the button below. 


  1. Wow. That's some ending. I could see why there would be so many reactions over it. I didn't even read the book and I was shocked. LoL

    1. I was also surprised by the ending. I'm happy that Mackenzie was able to finally tell someone about her secret.

  2. Wow. What a strong topic... I find myself lacking words after this review. This sounds both incredibly sad, and also really amazing.

    1. Yes, a very strong topic. I did have a few tears when Mackenzie talked to her parents, it was so sad.